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Therapists, I don't like their taste.i.
in 7th grade
i didn’t know depression
until she told me her name,
carving forever scratches
along my limbs like
little love notes on the bark
of a tree.
she stole my rings
and left me hollow.
i had only ever met anxiety
in passing, until one day
he handed me power and told me
to hurt someone else with it.
with an uncontrollable
quivering in my fingers,
he whispered, “ to survive,
you must learn quickly.”
as i shoved the bevel of a needle
into a strangers arm.
so, if a therapist
could talk away my scars
like iodine disinfects,
guide the ships
Please,don’t make me
fall in love with you,
I don’t want to remember you,
those Sunday morning
or the way your
lost boy eyes always,
always found a way
to find mine.
There are only so many times
I can allow you to slice
through my scar tissue
before I finally
lion boyi knew a boy with
eyes of gold & fire
in his footsteps.
he would roar to the
stars, declaring himself
as fearless as a king
& as regal as a lion.
he would announce
every night when leo
would coax the virgin
from her radiant
five times around the
sun & loyal fangs bared
to shield his kingdom,
my lion boy
dances with flames.
I Am FlawedFrom body to soul and in between,
They blotch the parchment that is me;
I know of worse flaws I have seen,
I am flawed.
I sometimes lose my temper,
Use my mouth before my mind;
I ponder things I could do better,
And regret them for a time.
I can be harsh, I can be blunt,
I tend to hide my thoughts;
But this is far from what I want:
To be in someone's heart.
Comparisons are hard to make
Since we are all unique.
But half the time my words are fake;
The real me is a freak.
These flaws define me, describe me—
They make me what I am.
In that light, I'm proud to say that
Confessionsthere’s a lot I never told you
one. I have a habit of lying, about
the simple things (like, yes I
forgot to remember and I swear by
soul mates and I’m in love
with your susurrus voice
and no, I’m really doing fine).
It was not an act of infidelity because
I believed it, too.
two. I’m infatuated with the concept
that I am more or less fictional, the
delusive beauty a million men will
dedicate novels to: I am fragile,
a dust angel sent to save the world
from commonalities and
three. Since I’m not allowed
to remember your name
I will commemorate you
in acts of escapism,
killing off the pieces
String TheoryThis is determination,
existential numbness in which
I drown from the paranoid spittle
of that dreary-eyed girl
lost in the mirror.
what would you do
if you saw me now, all grown in
to my predetermined curves and
the nihilistic fabrications knotted in my skin.
Maybe you still want to be
a brain surgeon. Maybe you still
weep when you’re happy and stop
when you’re lonely, drooping over like
the puppet no one remembered. Maybe
you still smoke like it’s a defiance, and love
like it’s a war; maybe time preserved you
like a corpse in formaldehyde, and maybe
you still think of me,
i shouldn't write when i'm stonedpeople say you're
an asshole. but that's
okay because people say
i'm an asshole, too. maybe
that's one of the reasons
you love me and i love you.
but i think more than that,
i think the biggest reason
we're drawn to each other is
that neither of us fit anywhere.
we are both lonely. and we are sad.
but we don't care, and we love it.
we are good at being
alone. we are good at
being together. if i could,
i would paint a picture
of two souls tethered close
but sitting in separate rooms
and i would point to it. then you
would understand why we will
never come apart.
ExperimentalistShe always said she was
I knew otherwise.
This girl was raised to
Believe that the ability of
Counting the bones in your
Rib cage is beautiful.
Sixteen years old
With sand in her blood
And shoulder blades
As sharp as knives
As long as wings.
That day I knew
Her smiles were painful
And her laughs were just
Recorded in her throat
From so much practice
In a life that was once
A little punk rocker with a gift for singing songsGirl with the rock and roll smirk curled behind her teeth
Burning her insides for fun because there wasn’t much else to do
Aside from skipping stones across car parks
And sipping the last dregs of forbidden liquor
Behind broken trees to keep up the act of normality
Late at night when the moon is asleep
She lies on dismantled bed frames
Counting stars because lambs are too often sent to the slaughter
Lucky star heartbeats and posy veins
Hides broken windows behind her pupils
Ceiling lights tracing patterns on her cheekbones
As late night contemplation's lead back to Rome
Atlas limbs curled into her ribs
With a sense of obligation she
this habiti have this habit of thinking without thinking.
my mind will be walking down a road
while i am plugging away at the factory,
while i am putting groceries away.
if someone were to ask me what i was thinking,
i wouldn’t know what to say.
i would have to wait hours,
long after they’ve gone,
until my mind comes through the door,
tracking all manner of shit onto the floor,
and explains himself.
Sea sonnet for the girl with ocean eyesShe was southern Californian storms
On a good day
When the skies nursed the shoreline like a wound
And the rain tasted like two scoops of mint chip ice cream
She held the nebula in her palms
And poured it out onto the sidewalk
So that the gutters would have something
To talk about at night
She swallowed the ocean
And held it in her eyes
Of mountain rock blue straining against the sky
The bluest eyes I’d ever seen
Sparrow girl with the breathless wings
Embellished in vinyl’s and cassette tapes
Gramophone gilded lashes and half-moon wrists made up
Paper tapestries taped together with Shakespeare and Green
AdultsI envy those people
who leave home
and live like twenty-five year olds,
looking out for themselves
like folks did in the good ol’ days,
drinking whiskey straight,
driving all night with no limits,
loving and fucking without apology,
never having to remind someone
that they’re old enough—
Goddamnit, they’re old enough
and if they’re not cut loose
they’ll suffocate to death
without ever having breathed
on their own.
Alaska is hiding behind her eyesA girl caught up in the same game
Where circus tricks and trapeze artists
Are nothing compared to the burning of lungs
Where insomnia stains the people’s smiles
In a pale wash of sea foam angst bottled up and thrown
Into the horizon where the sky meets the earth
In a disjointed seam
She had hurricane rage eyes
And wishbone sleeves pulled tightly across her chest
To suppress her Medusa heart from cracking
The stars open and drinking their flames
Ocean funeral where Chaconne
Is played to sirens and sea urchins
Coiled beneath the oily depths of seascapes
Where her kite string spines push against the thin membrane
Of split grin skie
On the road again searching for lost thingsLake bones carved into words
The slow baked Texas heat seeping into
Galaxy veins and Saturn ring irises
Like cross hatched road maps
Leading to lost cities gilded in gold
The skies nursing oil spills like a wound
Your cat eye palpitations lingering
Behind drowsy eyelids
Where childhood adventures of never growing up
Spark between neurons and sneakers pounding
On old dirt tracks
Boyish dreams of Milky Way heroes
Make up the constellations of your breathing
WeightWeight of worlds
On my shoulders
Too much sadness
In the broken air
Why is this my
Burden to bear?
I HopeWhen you glance at my
Cold and empty chair, I hope
You know why it's there.
When my already
Hushed voice is silenced, I hope
My music's still there.
When the leaves will fall
And life is dormant, I hope
For life in the spring.
When the night is long
And just never ends, I hope
The stars give my message.
I hope you will hear,
I hope you will see, and I,
I hope to be free.
Garden of the LostIn the garden of the lost
The black roses bloom
Fragments of the crossed
Guardians of the tomb
The winds are free to toss
And bring about the doom
Soil covers the loss
But doesn't mask the gloom
Of the garden of the lost
In the ghostly silver moon.
WeWe hide to not be seen
We see what can't be found
We know when you walk this way
You are prey upon our ground
We watch you go with prying eyes
We stalk your darkened trail
We feel every breath you take
You know not what our lives entail
We cannot offer you a chance
We have a reason to persist
We hide, we smile, we follow
You don't think we exist
We came from your nightmares
We came from shadows tall
We whisper in the darkness
We wait for you to fall.
Remember the Autumn BoyIt was a world of reds and golds.
I remember walking briskly past what could only be paintings; they were simply too beautiful to be anything else. Layers upon layers of rustling colors, drifting peacefully in the light breeze. The sun was beginning to dip, and more than once, a dazzling array of sunlight lit up the warm trees, and I had to stop and gaze and wonder. Occasionally a leaf would spiral slowly down to the fading grass, completely unnoticeable compared to the beauty of the autumn trees. The trees were wilting, but they were proud, proud to be a part of this picturesque moment. I watched a ruby leaf flutter in the wind, the wi
Shell.Press your ear against mine
You think you hear the ocean inside
The waves crashing on the beach
The tide rising where you can reach
You think it's there, you're wrong
None of that can really belong
Still, pause, lean on me
Tell me that you feel the sea
Lie to me with those eyes
Pretend I'm not empty inside
Pretend I've got something to lose
That fate was something to choose
That maybe I'm healthy and well
But I'm simply a shell.
Look into my hazel eyes
Claim you see endless skies
Say they're beautiful with a smile
I've been dreaming that moment a while
You really don't have a thing to say
I'm not really yours today
LamentI cannot seem to find you.
I cannot look beyond.
When twilight meets the stars,
I wish you could respond.
In the moment of waking,
Between the dusk and dawn,
Between the dreams and the faces
And the haunts of every wrong
I imagine I am with you
Up, in lives above,
Or at the very least, with someone,
Someone that I love.
The only time I feel alive
Is when I am with him
The new demon sent to damn
That I follow on a whim.
He can't know I'm staring,
He can't know how I long
And then I am chagrined
For my envious song
No one has the slightest clue
And so it should stay
They only know my mourning
And how I reach for the away.
Keep in Touch!
`ChewedKandi has certainly gone out of her way to keep the vector community on the right path. Always making sure that her talents are infinitely scalable, Sharon has put her bezier curves to excellent use, and firmly anchored herself as an inspirational leader. We're absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for June 2013 to `ChewedKandi. Congratulations, Sharon! Read More