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RelapseIt’s like counting
along your limbs -
remembering a time
‘just one more’
made you feel better.
- & you’re sitting there
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s
We fight for our dream.
We're just waiting to die.
The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.
The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.
So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?
Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?
Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"
Battle in my MindEat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
I love you..
the name that cuts like a knife,
it's all that you see inside,
is breaking with every breath I take
the only thing I can't seem to face.
In The Daylight
In The Daylight
A false downfall
An unexpected revival
Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness
In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest
I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic
I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid
A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete
Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat
wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.
she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"
in that moment,
we forget to exist.
Ode to the boy with diamonds for eyesI think we were a collision course waiting to happen
And when I think back to the day when we first
Stumbled across one another, red sneakers hanging off gutters
Cherry cola voice overs and dilated pupils
We led one another on to believe in the night sky of connect the dot constellations
You wanted to dissect me and peer into the insides of my lungs
Only to find witches breath and dandelions
Slicing iron vowels you locked your hands in mine
And we fell into the static of dreaming disease
The operating table broke away to reveal a sky that never existed
And we couldn't help but laugh at the irony
Because wishing was never an option
Our MasksThe masks we wear are perfect
Never loose and rarely tight
They keep us safe from others
And keep our demons out of sight
They smile when we are broken
And laugh when we simply must
No blemish or imperfection
A creation that will never rust.
I seldom ever remember
Who I am without my mask
That to peel off that layer
Is such a daunting task
All others carry one as well
Wherever they may go
And no matter what is on their minds
Only the molded mask will show.
The lies they preach in public
Or the scars along their wrists
Are left mute to others knowledge
Ignorance is such a splendid gift
My mask is oh so perfect
Not a crack will show
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.
But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.
That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.
But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.
No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.
So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Nobody even asks my ideas,
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.
In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.
There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
Lost In ConfusionLost In Confusion
My mind is spinning without a rest
Emotions whirl and twirl around
A merry-go-round gaining speed
Until the world blurrs before my eyes
What's happening? What's going on?
The simplest thought slips away
Right from my mind, fading so fast
Trying to focus, I stare and stare
Until my eyes are heavy and unclear.
I don't understand, what is going on..
Emotions rise and fall again
Within the blink of an eye
I'm crying, laughing, and depressed
A roller-coaster ride that never ends
Am I losing my mind in this?
I try to close my eyes and rest
But the world spins me around
I feel like I am failing this test
Voices and noises echo
Deactivatedthere are voids and black holes
papercuts sinking deep into
only to meet the unmarred love
of bones, strong and
bare and pure.
dark oceans are bleached
into tears that leave nothing
but sea salt in my lips
and my words are injustice
to the death of
this is me
trying to be
trying to preserve the ardor
of your words
and the honey sweet taste
of your passion
how my lungs work
(when I don't read something from you
I die more than a little on the inside).
Fly AwayFly, songbird, fly away.
Don't wait for a better day.
Don't leave your heart to decay.
Leave, girl, leave this place.
Hide your feathers and your face.
Hide your song with covert grace.
There's nothing left for you here,
Nothing holds you dear.
Contempt for you is clear.
Stay invisible, out of sight,
In the shadows, out of light.
Sing your lonely ode to the night.
Don't wait to meet their eyes.
They hold no truth, only lies.
Forget them, and take to the skies.
What you need is a place to heal.
You need someone, someone that's real,
No false emotions left to feel.
You're trapped inside your own art,
In the corners of your me
To the MockingbirdOh, mockingbird, stay this way
Don't lose your tunes or colorful array
You know many songs more than I
From all those voices in the sky
Oh, mockingbird, keep me sane
Don't leave me lost in the game
I miss you so, I've yet to hear
Your newest song; keep it in your ear
Dear mockingbird, this isn't goodbye
I'm just biding my time taking to the sky
Don't forget me, even if I hide
Keep my song somewhere inside
Dear mockingbird, I won't forget you
Like I won't forget friendly skies of blue
Even when winter's come for me
Even when I'm trapped in a frozen tree
Please, mockingbird, remember my song
Remember what no longer belongs
Forever RainI watch the rain patter against the glass.
I watch the storm from behind a barrier,
But I am still not safe.
Apprehension swells within me as I watch endless drops.
I love the rain, make no mistake.
I love the smell of the cool air
I love how it mists and swirls
But I am waiting
I watch the rain from behind a glass pane
My anxiety and impatience in vain -
What am I waiting for, anyway?
It's not as if fate has anything for me to gain.
I feel so alive when I reach out to touch the water -
And I know it will be cold and repelling
And cruel and wet and slide down my face like tears
And then I'll blink and it will be gone,
The Key to My HeartThe key to my heart is in plain sight
Metallic and silver and reflecting sunlight
Too cold, it seems, to have locked away
The heart to which misfortune has strayed
Icicles gnaw on the edges, reminding me
Of the spray and the salt and the chill of the sea
Of a forgotten world where a lone moon stays
Of the warmth of suns so far away
Of prices to pay and memories faded
Of emotions old and ragged
Sharp, knife-edged, misery their power
Spreading the fragility of the frozen hour
But I love my key, it is all I know
When everything I love's fled beneath the snow
People wonder, "What is it for?"
None of them ever know what it is for su
So far from here to there,
Nothing I can place.
Hidden in the space
Of the lost.
Frayed, and tossed.
Quiet in the vast
An ageless desert
From a dead past.
All alone again.
All alone, in the end.
The MarshSky of blue reflected in the sea
Forget-me-not gem hidden in trees
In rustling weeds and singing birds
In muffled silences for which there are no words
A playful breeze whispers to the air
Dancing on my cheeks, teasing my hair
Its chilly fingers caress the leaves
And awakens senses lost in dreams
Sunlight - a thousand sparkling pearls -
Gleams off the surface of waters that curl
And fold towards the water's end
Ready to fade, to bounce, to bend
So close to society, yet so serene,
Reminding me of places I've never seen
The marsh holds a quiet beauty and grace
For which I have no words to place.
For YouFor raging seas and elements untamed
For stars high and constellations famed
For sweet morning dew and feathers soft
For lonely, wondering clouds aloft
For treetops thick with emerald leaves
For a chickadee's song caught in the breeze
For the dazzling sun in midday skies
For glorious truth and ugly lies
For cold mountain peaks covered in snow
For a thousand fireflies' glow
For sins that make us cry today
For the moments that take our breath away
For souls that have come and gone
For people that don't know where they belong
For the pain of death as loved ones part
For the empty place they leave in your heart
For every good luck
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More